thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize