I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
