Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
