I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
