I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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