youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
