Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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