i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
