If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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