I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
