Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize