I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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