I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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