Porn is love you can see.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
