the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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