dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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