i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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