i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
