Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked a lego.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
