I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
