I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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