Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
