I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
