A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
