the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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