We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
