I can tuck mytits in my pants
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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