She's JV to your varsity
Apparently you make a good broom.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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