That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
we're so committed to being not committed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
