I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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