guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
