I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pants are for mortals
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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