don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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