dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
either way he was missing a nipple.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
