New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
