U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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