Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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