I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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