Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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