Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Houston, we have a squirter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
