he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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