if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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