i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
