no, he came in my armpit
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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