Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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