Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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