You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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