i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
