i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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