Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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