my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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