somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
