And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
