tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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