Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
