it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
