I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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