Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
