Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
