Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
