She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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