Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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