I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
