A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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