from now on my penis is your penis
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
