I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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