Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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