Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
