I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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