remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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