We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
