is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
