I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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