Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
