so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
