No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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