Please, let me fuck your mom
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
