remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
